How We Operate
by janedoe88
Summary: Post season 2 Finale. A look into everyone's lives after that fateful night. Please R&R. Chapter 4 up! Disclaimer: I do not own Grey's Anatomy
1. monster hospital

Everyone's lives changed that night.

Izzie held Denny's lifeless body closer.

Meredith kissed Derek's lips harder.

Callie searched George's eyes harder.

Cristina held Burke's hand tighter.

Alex missed Izzie more.

Richard held his niece closer.

Addison's stomach sank lower.

Finn waited longer.

_**What I** choose, is you._

"Why did you have to go?" Izzie whispered into Denny's shoulder. "Why did you leave me? We we're getting married."

_You're who I wanna wake up with,_

"Please, just wake up."

_And go to bed with,_

"I need you."

_And do everything in between with._

"You don't get to die!"

_I get a choice now._

"You don't get to leave me here, alone!"

_I get to choose._

"So wake up, Denny!"

_I choose you Izzie Stevens._

_**You think** I want to look at you?_

Derek ran his hands through Meredith's hair.

_That I wouldn't rather be looking at my wife?_

Meredith clutched at Derek's shirt.

_I'm married._

Derek held Meredith's head in his hands

_I have responsibilities._

Meredith ran her hands up Derek's chest.

_She doesn't drive me crazy._

Derek slipped Meredith's stockings off.

_She doesn't make it impossible for me to feel normal._

Meredith undid Derek's belt.

_She doesn't make me sick to my stomach thinking about my veterinarian touching her with his hands._

"I missed you." Derek whispered into Meredith's hair.

_Man, I would give anything to not be looking at you!_

_**If I** say it back right now, you know I'm just saying it because you said it to me._

"What do I have to do to make you love me?" Callie asked George.

_When I say I love you, _

"Am I not good enough for you?"

_I want to mean it,_

"Callie, you're perfect for me."

_Because… you just have to give me some time to mean it._

_**I had** an edge and I've lost it, and I need it. _

"I'm here." Cristina whispered as she held Burke's hand.

_I need it back. _

"I'm not going anywhere."

_So, if you could just tell me, how you keep yours and how not to be affected, _

"I love you Preston."

_I know I could be a great surgeon. _

"I know." He smiled, before closing his eyes and breathing in her scent.

_So if you could just give me the answers, I would really appreciate it_

_**Izz, it's** not Denny._

Alex sat in the entrance of Seattle Grace Hospital.

_The minute his heart stopped beating, he stopped being Denny._

His whole life he'd never thought about anyone but himself.

_I know you love him... but he also loved you._

He never knew what love was.

_And a guy that loves you like that, he doesn't want you to do this to yourself. _

Until he met Izzie Stevens.

_Because it's not Denny, Not any more._

_**You're** **the** reason my parents broke up. _

Richard held his niece and danced in time with the music.

_And it wasn't just an affair, she really loved you. _

Holding her in his arms, he thought of Ellis Grey.

_It wasn't just this cheap thing where she didn't tell you she was married. _

He thought of the life they could have had.

_It wasn't all a lie. _

He thought of Adele.

_She left her husband for you. _

And the life they had.

_But you stayed with your wife, because it was the right thing to do. _

He remembered his wedding day.

_Maybe safe, but she was the right person for you to be with. _

He remembered the first time he kissed Ellis.

_Let's face it, my mother? _

He remembered what he'd lost.

_Nothing wrong with being safe, being with the good guy because he's good and we are talking about forever here. _

And what he'd gained.

_You've never regretted your decision. _

And he remembered the first time he held Camille in his arms.

_You've never looked back... right?_

_**I want** you to care. _

Addison knew Derek wasn't alone.

_I sleep with your best friend, and you walk away. _

She knew he was with her.

_Then he comes out here from New York and rubs it in your face, and you still get a good night's sleep. _

She wasn't stupid.

_What do I have to do? _

She knew she was wasting her time trying to save her marriage.

_Maybe what I should do is go out on a date with the vet, because that seems to be something that sends you into a blinding rage. _

But she loved him.

_Oh, but wait. That won't work either because I'm not Meredith Grey._

_**Liz** **was** my wife. _

Finn looked at his watch for what felt like the hundredth time.

_When she died... you do this thing where you stop making plans. _

Meredith was the one for him.

_Because you had plans but then there was a car crash and your plans disappeared so you just... I just try to get from sunup to sundown. _

She was the one that saved him.

_That's as far into the future as I can handle. _

But for some reason he felt like he was losing her already.

_I've been fine with that, I have, but right now, looking at you... damn, I have all kinds of plans._

**Everyone's** **lives** changed that night.


	2. nowhere warm

**Izzie Stevens** was not going back on her resignation. She was done. She was done with being a surgeon and she was done with Seattle Grace. She wanted nothing to do with it ever again. All it did was remind her of Denny. The man she loved. The man she lost. As she lay in her bed, tears streaming down her face, she listened to the rain outside. Its constant downpour soothed her as she snuggled into Alex's arms. She silently wished it was Denny's arms she was in. Alex was only looking after her but the one person she needed right now was Denny. The man she loved. The man she lost.

**Meredith Grey** stood glued to the spot. She didn't want to choose. She didn't want to choose between the two men standing before her. Life wasn't meant to be this hard. Life wasn't meant to hurt like it did for Meredith. She looked towards the man who she'd danced with. He was sweet and kind and birthed ponies. He had plans. Plans about her. No one had ever had plans about her. Her whole life she was only a spectator, watching her life from the sidelines. That was until she met Derek. The man she had just slept with in an empty exam room. The man who had ripped her heart out. Who she hated but loved at the same time. The one that drove her absolutely crazy. The man that she felt she would never stop loving. She couldn't choose not right now. She turned and ran. Ran away from the two men who loved her and ran to the friend who needed her.

**George O'Malley** sat on the couch downstairs holding a mug of lukewarm coffee in his hands. Upstairs was his best friend whose heart was breaking. He knew he should be up there with her but he couldn't move. He was frozen in shock. He knew she needed him but he reasoned with himself that Alex was there. He had never been good with death. Ironic that he chose to be a surgeon. How could life be so cruel? He couldn't see her this way, not now. He thought of Callie and how she'd told him she loved him. That was a shock to the system. After Meredith he didn't imagine that anyone would love him. After she hurt him so bad he never imagined he'd love anyone again.

**Cristina Yang **lay next to the man she loved. Her head was rested on his shoulder. Her hands holding his. She couldn't understand what was happening to her. All these unknown feelings building inside her. She was always the epitome of in control. She'd never let anything get to her. She'd never let anyone get to her. But she had never let anyone close to her. Until she came here. Until she started her career that she was going to be in control of. But looking at Burke's sleeping form it didn't seem to matter anymore. All that mattered was him.

**Alex Karev** silently held the woman he loved in his arms. But she loved someone else. He couldn't help but go over all the times he'd screwed up with her. But he could be here for her now. As a friend. She just lost the man she loved and needed someone. He'd swallow all of his feelings for her. Because that's how much he loved her. He loved her enough to let her go.

**Richard Webber** had always been a surgeon first and a person second. Until he met Ellis Grey. Then he became a man in love, an adulterer and a drunk. He had a reputation to uphold. He was a respected and world renowned surgeon. He was Chief of Surgery at Seattle Grace, the best hospital in Washington. Now his reputation was being challenged. His secret affair wasn't secret. One of his interns had put a patient in jeopardy and stolen a heart. Hypothetically, Richard Webber was screwed.

**Addison Shepherd **knew her marriage was over. No matter how hard she tried to deny it, she knew her husband was in love with another woman. But that didn't stop her from loving him. That didn't stop her thinking there might be a chance for them yet. That he'd come back to her. She knew she hurt him. Sleeping with his best friend was a stupid idea but she was lonely. She wanted the love she used to have from Derek. The love Mark so willingly doted upon her. The love Derek felt for Meredith.

**Finn Dandridge **had always considered himself as safe. A safe vet. A safe driver. A safe relationship. Now he wished he wasn't. He knew 'safe' wasn't going to guarantee him Meredith Grey's love. After seeing the way she looked at Derek Shepherd he knew 'safe' couldn't compete with that. Whatever was between them obviously wouldn't go away easily. But that didn't stop him making plans. Making plans about him and Meredith Grey.


	3. somewhere a clock is ticking

**It had** been one month since Izzie had given the chief her resignation. It had been one month she had admitted to cutting Denny's LVAD wire. One month since Denny Ducquette had died. It had been one month since she had laid next to his lifeless body. It had been one week since she'd stopped crying. It had been one week since everybody had stopped asking her if she was alright. It had been one week since she had stopped saying she was fine. It had been one week since she had visited Denny's grave. It had been one week since she had said her goodbyes.

**It had** been one month since Alex had held Izzie in his arms. It had been one month since she had cried herself to sleep in his arms. It had been one month since he had decided to keep his feelings for her to himself. It had been one month since he had promised to be there for her. It had been one week since he had gone back to the hospital. It had been one week since he had stopped living on Meredith's couch. It had been one week since he told Izzie's sleeping figure he loved her. It had been one week since he had let his heart become vulnerable for the first time.

**It had** been one month since George had witnessed his best friend's heart break. It had been one month since he avoided her, too scared to see her. Too scared to see her vulnerable. Broken. It had been one month since he had gone to sleep listening to her sobs from the next room. It had been one month since he had gone to sleep listening to sniffling coming from Meredith's room. It had been one month since Callie had told him she loved him. It had been one week since he had returned the favour. It had been one week since he told her he loved her too. It had been one week since he had let his heart become vulnerable one more time.

**It had** been one month since Meredith stood before the two men most important to her. It had been one month since she'd looked into their pleading eyes. It had been one month since she'd been forced to choose between them. The love her life who had hurt her. Or the man she could potentially love who would never hurt her. It had been one month since she had run away. One month since she chose the coward's way out. It had been one week since she had stopped avoiding them. It had been one week since she had visited Doc's grave. It had been one week since she had said her goodbyes.

**It had** been one month since Finn had realised there was more to Meredith and Derek than just co-owners of Doc. It had been one month since she stood before him and Derek. It had been one month since she had ran. It had been one month since he had watched her retreating figure. It had been one week since he had seen Meredith again. One week since she had spoken to him. One week since his plans came back. One week since he had visited his wife's grave. It had been one week since he had told her about Meredith. It one month since he had opened his heart again.

**It had** been one month since Derek had made love to the woman he loved. It had been one month since he had finally told her how he felt. One month since he had stopped masking his feelings with looks. One month since he had let his actions speak for him. It had been one month since he had become a hypocrite. Since he had an affair. Since he became even with his wife. It had been one week since he had signed the divorce papers. It had been one week since he had told Addison about him and Meredith. One week since she had signed the divorce papers. One week since she had flown back to New York.

**It had** been one month since Addison had seen her husband avoid Meredith's eyes. One month since she suspected the worst. One month since she had suspected there was more to Meredith and Derek than 'just friends'. One month since she had asked her if she was sleeping with her husband. It had been one week since Derek told her he had slept with Meredith. It had been one week since he had handed her signed divorce papers. One week since she had signed them. One week since she had flown back to New York. Back to the man who truly loved her.

**It had** been one month since Cristina told Burke she loved him. It had been one month since she had fallen to sleep next to him in his hospital room.It had been one month since she had realised her emotions. It had been one month since she had admitted her feelings. One month since she had given in to them. One month since she had let them take over her body. It had been one week since she had helped Burke come home. One week since she had slept next to him in their bed for the first time in what felt like ages. One week since he had cooked her breakfast. One week since she felt home again.


	4. miss halfway

**Izzie**

I have something to tell you. Something that I wish was different. Another reason why it's killing me that you left. I don't believe in heaven. I never have. And I hate myself for it. It means I won't ever see you again. There isn't an afterlife. There is no 'white light'. No 'pearly gates'. No 'city of clouds'. There's just death. Death and a rotting corpse. I'm a doctor. I'm trained to believe in science, logic, not fairytales. I wish I did. I wish I thought I'd be with you again. But I don't. And I hate myself for it. Because I'm never going to see your face again. Or hear your laugh. Feel your touch. You're gone. Sometimes I hate you so much. I hate you so much for making me fall in love with you! For leaving me. Why did it have to end like this, Denny? Why did you have to die? You didn't deserve to. It wasn't fair. It wasn't your time. You were too young. You had too much ahead of you. But you have to stop haunting my thoughts. I have to move on. I can't live like this. It's not fair to me. Or anyone else for that matter. I don't want to be a burden to them. And I don't want to see the pity in their eyes when they look at me. Pity won't bring you back.

_I know what you came for_

_  
And I know when you'll leave  
_

_You came for my heart  
_

_And it's lost to me  
_

_For I won't stop you  
_

_I will open my door  
_

_My heart is here waiting  
_

_I don't need it no more  
_

_I know why you're leaving  
_

_And I'll just let it be  
_

_I am left with nothing  
_

_And now you're lost to me  
_

_For I can't stop you  
_

_I will open my door  
_

_My heart is here waiting  
_

_I don't need it no more_

For love makes a fool of me  


_For love makes a part of us  
_

_You know it's worthless  
_

_As worthless can be  
_

**Meredith**

I sit here waiting. Waiting for the moment that will change my life forever. The edge of the bat is cold and uncomfortable, digging into my body. I stare at the stick sitting on the bench. The ominous piece of plastic that could ruin everything I've worked for. That could affect more people than just me. What if it is positive? What am I supposed to do? What would I tell Derek? What would I tell Finn? What would I tell Addison? This is ridiculous. I couldn't have a baby. I can't be a mother. I cannot be responsible for a human life. I can't even look after myself. I'm a train wreck. It wouldn't be fair to it. I don't know the first thing about being a mother. My own mother was never around. I don't know what a real mother does. I never imagined becoming one. I don't want to be one. Three minutes feels more like three hours. Time feels as though it has frozen. I look around the room desperately trying to find a distraction. Something to make the time go faster. I notice there's four toothbrushes in the holder. The blue one is Derek's. I forgot to throw it out. My thoughts drift back to when he used to stay overnight. To when my life felt perfect. Like a fairytale. But happy endings are only for stories that haven't finished yet. The beep of the alarm on my watch pulls me back to reality. Time's up. I take a deep breath and look at the stick. Blue.

_It's not the time, it's not the place I am afraid  
_

_  
They keep telling me, I'm not alone_

_  
They're all standing by me, but I am not my own  
_

_This thing is growing like a cancer I must kill  
_

_I am so confused, I don't know what I feel  
_

_  
I refuse to believe this is a child  
_

_It's not a person yet it takes quite a while  
_

_And guilt is great on my shoulders tonight  
_

_Could someone please tell me what is wrong and what is right  
_

_What is wrong and what is right, what is wrong and what is right  
_

_  
But I know it's life, I can't deny that it's life  
_

_Oh is it life? Can I deny this its life? I am afraid_

**Cristina**

He's acting like nothing happened. Like nothings changed. He's strutting around the apartment making jokes and small talk. The only time he mentioned the shooting is the day he came home. It's as though he's erased it from his memory. If only it was as easy for me to do. It killed me watching him lie in bed, day after day. It wasn't Burke. He wasn't the sexy, confident man I fell in love with. He was broken Burke. I still loved him as much as I ever had but it hurt me so much to see him like that. I let him know I was there for him. I broke down my barriers. I gave into my emotions. And for what? So he could pretend like everything was okay? That nothing happened? This is what I get for becoming weak. This is what I get for losing my edge. A boyfriend who won't even acknowledge that for the first time ever I wore my heart on my sleeve. That I allowed myself to be vulnerable. It was all for nothing.

_Now I was once a fool, it's true  
_

_I played the game by all the rules  
_

_But now my world's a deeper blue  
_

_I'm sadder, but I'm wiser too  
_

_I swore I'd never love again  
_

_I swore my heart would never mend  
_

_Said love wasn't worth the pain  
_

_But then I hear it call my name  
_

_  
The trouble with love is  
_

_It can tear you up inside  
_

_Make your heart believe a lie  
_

_It's stronger than your pride  
_

_The trouble with love is  
_

_It doesn't care how fast you fall  
_

_And you can't refuse the call  
_

_See, you got no say at all  
_

_  
Every time I turn around  
_

_I think I've got it all figured out  
_

_My heart keeps callin' and I keep on fallin'  
_

_Over and over again  
_

_This sad story always ends the same  
_

_Me standin' in the pourin' rain  
_

_It seems no matter what I do  
_

_It tears my heart in two  
_

_  
The trouble with love is  
_

_It can tear you up inside  
_

_Make your heart believe a lie  
_

_It's stronger than your pride_


End file.
